To Palestine from Israel

I heard the United Nations had a vote about the Palestine thing and it was overwhelmingly passed. Well, it was expected and overall, probably a good thing. We’ve all heard the message of the Palestinians, though if you ask me, Israel has been hearing it for 64 years, God knows how many wars and terrorist bombings, 15,000 rockets, thousands dead and injured.
But there’s a message Israel should be releasing to the world and to the Palestinians. It’s really a very simple message and we should say it in a language they understand; in words they can relate to. We do not fear your nationhood; we welcome it. 
Here is the message our Prime Minister SHOULD broadcast to the world:

Dear Palestine, Welcome to the world of nations. 

It’s an awesome place to be. Frankly, we thought you’d come along long ago. You had that chance in 1947 that you turned down, and numerous other times when peace was just a seat at the table away. But never mind, 64 years late and thousands dead and injured is water under the bridge. 

So let’s talk about today. Today, you have independence – certainly in Gaza, right? There are no Israelis in Gaza to effect how you rule your people; and with the Rafiach crossing to Egypt under Egyptian controls, there is no closure, no blockade

So let’s talk about what it means to be an independent nation. It means you must see to your own survival – no, not with weapons – you’ve got that covered just fine. But you need to take responsibility for the infrastructure. You have to fix the sewers leaking into your streets; and build shelters if you plan to attack Israel in the future. 

You have to make sure your people have food and water and electricity and health care. It’s time for you to stand proud – and not on Israel’s benevolence. No, you don’t need our electricity anymore, do you? Why should Israelis foot the bill for the independent nation of Palestine? 

And food and medicine – get it from Egypt. Stop sending us your wounded, your sick. Be independent. 

Oh, and if your people come into Israel to work – no, we aren’t going to give you the taxes we have collected from their wages. Why should we? They work here; they pay taxes here. If they choose to live in Gaza and work here, they’ll know that their taxes go to help the Zionist entity. 

When Israel was in Gaza, we had more than 20 thriving communities, offering work to tens of thousands of Palestinians. They worked in the communities and in the numerous hot houses that grew the most amazing fruits and vegetables. Yes, yes, I know you burned them down – those millions of dollars in farming equipment that the international community purchased for you. 

But you have so many friends around the world – look how many voted for you – go to Italy and France and Germany – I’m sure they’ll just love to help set up those industries again and supply you with jobs. 

And if you burn them down again, never mind – I’m sure Europe will come to rescue you again, you little darlings. That’s right – Palestine is the new darling of the world – loved and supported by all… 

Israel, tiny little Israel really doesn’t have to be responsible for you anymore. It’s a wonderful day here in Israel – I think my lights are shining brighter than ever – perhaps we are already channeling our electricity back into our own system so that on the coldest and hottest days maybe we won’t have rolling blackouts anymore. 

Yes, it’s a great day in the Middle East – the dawning of a new day for Israel. The world has cut off the lump that was Gaza from around our necks. Just as all nations have the right to close off their border, we’re closing ours with Gaza. No, no more trucks, no more medicine. No more food, no more building supplies. No more luxury cars and candy. No more jobs, no more healthcare. The border is closed, Gaza – to the west lies your salvation. Look to Egypt and beyond for all you need. 

And one more thing, Gaza. If you dare, if you dare attack us – as any nation would – we WILL flatten you. Gaza will become an island set adrift in the Mediterranean. 

You are a nation now, Palestine and Israel is at the front of all the nations of the world in welcoming you to responsibility. 

Use it wisely because you’ll only have one chance. 

Yup, that’s JUST what Bibi Netanyahu should say…will he? I guess that depends on what happens next and whether he has the courage, this close to the elections, to say what he should.

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